Thursday, March 1, 2012

Chapter 38: The One with All the Sickness

I am not Phoebe Buffay.          
Shocking, I know.

When Phoebe is sick, she sings with this real raspy, smoky voice that sounds . . . great (according to her). Sickness actually "improves" her singing voice.

When I am sick, on the other hand, I sound like my vocal chords have been put through a meat grinder, piled in a dark corner until the mangled flesh is covered with mold and rancid decay, and finally placed back in their proper place by Picasso. In other words, I can't sing (or speak clearly). 

If you have ever spent more than three hours with me, chances are you've heard me sing. I sing a lot. Too much, some might say.

Random tangent on that note: My bathroom is particularly resonant, so I like to sing in the shower. I found out a month or so ago, that my neighbor two floors down can hear me crystal clear when I sing in the shower (like, she can understand the words I'm saying. Thank you, Mr. Sawyer for giving me clear enough diction to be understood through several layers of concrete). I turned all kinds of red after finding that out.

Okay, back to the main point of this random and somewhat nonsensical post: I currently can't sing.

Because I sing so much on a regular basis, I have unconsciously been exploring other methods of musical expression. I realized several minutes ago that I have been whistling, almost non-stop, for several hours. How did I realize this? Because my lips are sore from being puckered so much, and my ears are sore from hearing so much whistling.

Oh brother.  


  1. Too much? Impossible.

    Thanks for three smiles in a post - that, the shower story again, and realizing that I was whistling hymns all afternoon. Probably on account of my cold, come to think of it.


  2. Warren,
    I know that whistling is NOT new for you. For as long as I've known you (your entire life) your lips have been puckered and a whistling tune or even just air has come out . . . usually while you are concentrating on something. You must just be realizing this now because you can't sing. So funny! I love you!



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