Thursday, March 22, 2012

Chapter 40: Being a Glimpse Behind the Mask

Lately I have been noticing an discomforting amount of pride in myself.

Not necessarily the I'm-so-much-better-at-life-than-you pride, or even the look-at-what-I-have-done-and-accomplished-aren't-I-just-the-best type of pride. Instead, I've been seeing, in myself, the I-have-to-do-my-best-because-then-people-will-really-be-fooled-into-thinking-I-have-it-all-together sort of pride. Which is prolly the worst kind.

 As a way to deal a cutting blow to my pride, let me freely admit: I do not have my act together. I am a less-than-consistent friend, I am awful at following through in my classroom, I am an ungrateful son, I am miserable at regularly devoting time to him, I am selfish with my calendar, I choose momentary happiness over eternal joy, I value my way more than His way, and I stink at sports. And that is only off the top of my head. Were I to delve deeper into my habits and patterns of life, I would surely be able to rattle off a list of areas where I am lacking until the pigs have built their flying apparatuses and flown to visit their cousins on one of the moons of Jupiter.

(Now if you ever see or have ever seen me doing any of these things on this list, please feel free to stop and admire, not me, but Him. For any time that I have any smidgen of success in any of these areas, it is 100% due to His strength flowing through me.)

I think one of my new favorite verses is in the book of Zephaniah. A teacher shared this in fellowship on Sunday in the midst of a discussion about how 8 out of 10 people,* when asked the question, "What does the Father feel when He looks at you?" will answer "Disappointed," "Angry," or some other negative emotion. This speaker was arguing that the answer is "Unconditional love."

Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you with His love;
He will exult over you with loud singing."

Yep. He will. And certainly not because of me or my positive attributes (see list above for proof), but only because of the blood that covers me. 

So even though my list of faults is long indeed, and my mask of pride feeds my insecurities, I can know that his love covers me always.

Which is jaw-droppingly, heart-flutteringly, desire-changingly, and knee-bendingly awesome.

*fake statistic used to get my point across

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