Chapter 30: In Which the Author Decidedly Avoids the Usage of the Term "Resolutions"

It's New Year's Eve here in Qingdao, and with less than 12 hours to go in 2011, I have started compiling my list of goals for the new year.

I would not blame you if you chose to avoid this post. I understand that it's not the most enjoyable reading, but it is a way for me to hold myself somewhat accountable.

1. Learn a new skill or talent. More specifically, I'd like to learn one that allows me to make something with my hands. I'm currently lacking in that skills set.

2. Read 30 new books. This was on my list last year, and while I read 30 new books, I didn't finish some of them that I wanted to (War and Peace goes on the list for the third year running - uffda).

3. Start a photography club. Not at school, but among the Chinese and expats here. There are so many beautiful places in and around Qingdao, and I am feeling like I'm not capturing them well. Plus it's a great opportunity to develop some new relationships.

4. Learn one new Chinese lesson a week. It doesn't sound like a lot, but each lesson has about 35 new words along with new grammar rules and learning the characters. It will be a challenge.

5. Be able to write 1,000 Chinese characters. Doable, but I'll have to work at it. Currently around 250.

6. Write 12 letters. If you would like to be a recipient, let me know (and make sure I have your address)!

7. Be caught up on all grading by each Sunday. This might be my most difficult goal to accomplish.

8. Be involved in 12 community development activities. Not too sure what this will look like, but it needs to be on here for motivation.

9. Visit two new countries. This feels a little bit like cheating since I already know that I'm going to the Philippines, but oh well.

10. Be in a play. Also feels like cheating, as I have already started rehearsals as the Baker from "Into the Woods." I'll put it on here so that I can soothe my ego at the end of the year when I realize I haven't finished all of my goals to satisfaction.

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What are some of your goals for 2012? 

Chapter 29: Of Future Joys

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. 

"After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”

What a day that will be. 

Chapter 28: Concerning Nigeria, Musicals, and Second Christmas

I wasn't usually happy in Nigeria. I had a hard time at the school, I never felt like I fit in at a church, and it's just a generally difficult place to live your first time out of the country (I've been told by my Nigerian friends here in China that my city was one of the hardest as well - don't know how true that is). 

Even though my experience wasn't what I was hoping it would be, I still really learned a lot. And I still miss it terribly. I am thinking today of my old students, my old coworkers, my old Book study - and I wish I could see them again. I wish I could have some good Naija food and a trip to the market (even though it smells). I wish I could go to the Lebanese church to have some shawarma, and then enjoy an evening hearing the music blaring obnoxiously from a sound system somewhere in the neighborhood. I wish I could sit with my South African friends and talk about rugby.

I know that I was not supposed to be there any longer, and I am REALLY happy to be here (SO much peace about that). But now, instead of having just one home to miss, I have two.

I've shared before, via other mediums, a quote from "Into the Woods" (a great musical which I will be starring in this coming May). Jack has just climbed down from the beanstalk and he's reflecting on the experience. He says, "And you think of all of the things you've seen and you wish that you could live in between . . ."      Preach.

For those of you who have lived in two or more places (even in the same country), you know what I'm talking about. It's that pull in multiple directions. It's the knowledge that you are losing something by being where you are. It's the understanding that things will never be exactly the way you want on this side of death.

But one day - soon - all the best things of this world and far more will be revealed together. A second, eternal Christmas will bring the eternal Emmanuel.

Though it will be difficult, I can certainly wait until that day to be with all those I miss.

Chapter 27: About Bells

Over and over again in the last year I have been reminded of the fact that every single one of the 7 billion people on this planet has gone or is going through difficult. Even if there is a sunny period in life, it seems as though the threatening storms are quick to roll in and remind us that this world has been broken.



And it's really easy to look at this broken world full of horrible, ugly situations and become overwhelmed with the heartache and pain and ugliness and anger and violence and deceit and selfishness and evil. The world's brokenness summed up in a resounding death knell that has been struck over and over again since the moment that the residents of the garden chose not to trust their maker.

The world doesn't work the way it's supposed to. Children die. Innocence is lost. War is waged. Evil seems to be the victor.

And in despair I hung my head
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."






Then pealed the bells more loud and deep
'God is not dead, nor does He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Even with the wrong and awful things in this world, we can trust that He has a plan. Didn't evil seem to be winning when he was up on that tree? Wasn't it in the hour of deepest hurt and darkest evil that the greatest good occured?

So even though I see hurting families here and around the globe, I will continue to point to his past faithfulness as a foundation for our hope. Even though this world is broken and will one day pass away, I will look to the one on that tree.

Chapter 26: Being a Philosophical Discourse on Feces

So, I wouldn't desire the subject of my first post after nearly a month's hiatus to be feces, but when life dumps such a lesson on you (da Dum dum) you run with it.

I have stepped in poop three times in China. Three. That is almost once per month. I'm getting a little tired of cleaning the crap off my shoe. When I stepped in it today getting onto the school bus, several staff members made jokes about me not learning from mistakes one and two. It's not a problem that everyone suffers from - seemingly just me.

And because my mind loves making connections, it just took that idea and unraveled it a bit more. Even though I seem to be the only one suffering from an obnoxious oblivion to what I'm stepping in (poo), I am decidedly not the only one suffering from an obnoxious oblivion to what we all are stepping in (foolishness, pride, selfishness, etc.).

We are broken people. We have hurts and pains of our own. Our loneliness often overwhelms us. But none of that excuses us from our prideful hearts of stone. So many times we, His children, think we know best, and we continue to walk in our own way until we step in it. And then we have to deal with the mess we made, while He was telling us not to step there in the first place.

The longer I am alive, the more I am frustrated my own faults and weaknesses. The more I see how clean He is, the more I see just how much poo I have slathered all over myself.

But what a blessing that he has a cross-shaped hose that blasts me clean with high-powered jets that clean me inside and out. And even though I will certainly continue to step in it (both literally and figuratively), what peace to know that I can be clean again.

Chapter 25: On Squatties, Yaks, Ranch Dressing, and Roller Coasters

Before you travel overseas for a vacation, short-term habitation, or long-term settling down, here are some things to keep in mind. If this is supremely irrelevant to you, I'm giving you permission to stop reading this and jump back into the hustle and bustle of your everyday life. But even if you aren't planning on doing any of the things mentioned above, it can still be helpful to understand what expats (those who live away from their home country) go through.

(One quick word of warning: I am not an expert on this topic by any means. Many people have much more experience and are far wiser on this topic, but these are some things that I have noticed/"borrowed" from others.)

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Be Ready for the Squatties
Low expectations = high happiness. "Oh, there's no toilets here except squatty potties? Well, I was expecting no toilets at all, so thank goodness for the squatties!" This attitude is hard to have, but if you can culture it within yourself, it is really helpful. It will help you deal with many frustrating circumstances, of which you will have many. The higher your expectations are for a place, the harder you will fall from your sunshiny rainbows and happy little clouds of idealism into the grungy, pungent, and stressful realm of reality - unable to see the positive and beautiful aspects of a culture because you are so upset that it isn't what you wanted it to be.

That being said, once you get over your disappointment (which takes about 9 months), you will grow to love your host culture and really start to see its valuable contributions to your life and the world. 

Know that You Are NOT a Yak
When yaks enter the world, they are able to stand almost immediately. They need some help from their parents, but they are fairly self-sufficient.

You are not a yak. Whenever you enter a new circumstance, you will take time - a lot of time - to figure out how to simply live. All that wonderful ambition about making a difference in the world will come in handy, but it must be tempered with patience. For the first few weeks/months/years, you will be a fleshy lump of a baby, just soaking in the culture well enough to communicate effectively. So keep up your dreams of making a difference, but realize that they will not be realized immediately (or ever in some circumstances).

Reach Out to Others
It's really great if you can get to know someone in the place that you are going before you go there. This will help you understand what the place will be like and give you a new friend. This will also help your expectations to be more realistic.

Also under this category: make friends once you get to your new location. (Um, duh, Warren.) Sounds obvious, but one of the things about being in a new situation is that your personality characteristics are exaggerated. If you are an introvert, you will be a super introvert. If you are an extrovert, you will be a lot to handle in your first few months with all your extroverted energy. If you are an extrovert, try to cool yourself down a little so people get to know the real you. If you are an introvert, step out of your comfort zone and reach out to those around you.

Bring Some Powdered Ranch Dressing Packets
Believe it or not, other places are not America. And even though we Americans are doing our best to spread ourselves over every possible inch of this world, many of the things we assume are standard are only standard in America. This is both good and bad. It is good in that we can empathize more realistically with those who live "without", we can see where we have been wasteful and extravagant, and we can enjoy living in a different style than we are used to. It can be bad in that this makes it that much more difficult to transition to a new place, and we are "forced" to live in a different style than we are used to. It helps a lot to bring things that will make your new place feel like home.

Be Prepared for the Roller Coaster
Even if you know all of these things and more, you will still have to experience them for yourself. And you will have some days of rapturous joy and other days of complete frustration. The key is to remember that eventually, things will even out and the emotional roller coaster will eventually lose its chutzpah. Life in your new location will become more "normal" (By the way, once this happens, you will be perfectly set up for a whole new world - one you may not have known existed: reverse culture shock. But that is another topic for another time).

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What else is helpful for someone moving or traveling overseas? Please contribute ideas freely! Like I said, many of you know the expat game better than I do. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Chapter 24: In Which the Writer Comes to an Understanding about Personal Stress Levels and How They Can Negatively Affect One's Social Life

Holy overload, Baman! This has been a crazy couple of weeks, and will continue to be so. We had a week break last week for Chinese National Holiday. We went up to Beijing for a teacher conference. The day after we got back, we took a staff retreat to Weihai on the north side of the peninsula. Fun, but really busy. And not allowing time for getting my teaching stuff done.

And hooray! This coming weekend we have another trip around the province. With the quarter end next week, I'm starting to wonder why the timing was so close for all of these trips. . .

BUT, even though it's stressful, I'm enjoying my students a lot, and one of the main reasons for my stress is that I'm taking the time and effort to make my teaching more effective (which is rewarding).

At the Beijing conference, a good friend shared about stress as a first year teacher here. He mentioned that we all have a certain amount of stress that we can handle and when that overflows, we snap. The stress overflows. For me, that comes in the form of me dumping mounds of frustration on whoever happens to be within earshot (not a fan of this personal characteristic).

I can sense that I am too close for comfort to that stress line. It might be time for me to take a step back and do that which I hate to do: say no.

I'm not the kind of person that easily says no to social events. In fact I have to basically be at the point where I currently reside (at the borderline crush-your-spirit-and-hopes-for-life stress level (that might be a bit over-dramatic)) to even think about saying no when someone wants to do something.

But I think that the next week and a half will be a time not of sharing laughter and joy around a dinner table, but of sitting down and powering through the stacks of papers that have been building up (That's right. I'm a bad teacher. I don't hand my students' homework back immediately.), planning lessons that still reach every student, and writing a report card paragraph about every. single. student. Uffda*.





*The spell-checker for Blogger clearly isn't from Minnesota. Also, I have taught this word to four Chinese people.